I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
