Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
tell me about the fingering
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