oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
