I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
