I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
