Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
