you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
