Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize