we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
