I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
