I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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