i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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