That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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