Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
