Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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