This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
