your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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