It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
