Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
