I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
