dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
