I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
