i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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