I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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