Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
