I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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