I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
