The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
