If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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