my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize