dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
