Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Randomize
