I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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