I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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