You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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