can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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