the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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