my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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