at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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