Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
