im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We left the knife in your bed.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
