Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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