I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
