I smell stomach acid.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
