Umm I'm too high to move.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
