he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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