A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
