My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
