I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i think i have two assholes
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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