This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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