The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
