Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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