i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize