when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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