It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
