I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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