first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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