I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
