I'm going to jail i love you
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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