He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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