and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
