Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He better not be in your backpack
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize