Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
