u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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